I need some advice from the women. What is your read of the situation?

I need help from the adult ladies out there, it would be greatly appreciated. I need to know how to read this situation so I don’t make an a** of myself tomorrow (I’m 30, and this girl is 34, neither of us have ever been married). I went out with this girl twice, the last time was a year and a half ago. The first time we went out things went ok and we made plans to go out again. Then one of her longtime friends got in the way and they began seeing each other. She lives one hour away from me so it would have been a long distance relationship. She broke up with him a few months later. We went out again shortly thereafter. I went to see her. At the end of the date, she said that she would have to come down to see me next time. she had indicated previously that the distance turns her off because she has to drive 45 minutes everyday to work and that was what was precluding her from starting a relationship with me.. It’s really complicated, but like an idiot I never asked her down because I kept coming back to the “she doesn’t like the distance thing so she isn’t really interested”. I didn’t want to have to deal with the rejection because she is an awesome girl and I could have seen myself falling hard for her and then end up hurt. If I missed my chance with her I’ll never forgive myself. Here’s the thing. We’ve kept in touch consistently for the last year and a half and email nearly daily (sometimes to the point of excessive since we are both at work!). Sometimes about absolutely nothing at all, but other times about life and what’s happening in each of our lives. Over this time I’ve begun to realize that I have some serious feelings for her, like she might be THE ONE. Back in January I realized this and I asked her out to lunch but she said that she had started seeing someone and “didn’t think it would be fair for all of us involved” to get together. So we went on like usual. I casually mentioned to her about a month ago that I had started seeing somebody (I’m not anymore but she doesn’t know that), and she immediately responded by suggesting that we needed to get together sometime. She is planning on coming down to my town to do some shopping and wanted to get together with me afterwards. Today, she mentioned that she’d like to switch up the schedule though, that she wants to see me first then do the shopping later. Can you give me your interpretation of the situation? Am I in the dreaded “friend zone” or is there a chance she is waiting to see my reaction and if I still have interest? I need the female perspective. Thanks in advance for your help, I am an absolutely pathetic messI need some advice from the women. What is your read of the situation?
Could you make it a little longer please. I would like to goto sleep before lunch ....





Zzzzzzzzz......I need some advice from the women. What is your read of the situation?
I get the impression that its okay for her to see someone, but gets quickly territorial when you mention someone. Be very careful here, I am not sure I understand what is going on but it seems like you could easily be hurt. If a person wants something bad enough, they will bend over backwards to make it work. I understand the long distance relationship issue, but meeting halfway (compromise) never hurt a relationship. I hope it works in your favor.
Hmm. I'd have to agree with one of the other ladies who answered. It seems like she's just kind of trying to string you along. Like she doesn't want you unless nothing else is going on for her. You don't want to be her in-between guy and that's what it seems like she's using you for.





I would say, there's probably a chance that when you said you were seeing someone else that she realized that she likes you a lot and doesn't want to loose you.... I mean it's possible... but then again it could be just that she doesn't want to loose her in-between guy. You sound like a real sweetheart and you don't deserve that.





My suggestion? Hang in there a little longer. See if anything develops now that you've sort of hinted that you're tired of waiting around on her. If she goes back to her old ways? Well then you know what's up. She wants an in-between guy. If she hangs in there though? Maybe it's worth it. I'd say give it a little time now that you've given her a gentle 'hey woman, I won't wait forever'.





That's really all you can do. But don't let her keep stringing you along. There are other women out there that are really great and really looking for someone who's really serious about being with them. Lots of fish in the sea. ;) Don't get hung up because one stole your hook. Get a new hook, get some more bait, go for a bigger, better catch ;)





Hope this helps a bit. I'm probably not in the age-range you want answers from, BUT just from a female prospective. I thought it might help. Hope it has!
My Take.....she doesnt want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either dump her quickly! she wants you as a fall back
It sounds like it got her a little jealous when you mentioned you were seeing someone. I think what's going on is she has grown close to you I mean chatting with each other and stuff and you've probably both shared many things with each other. I think she's afraid if you meet someone else that part of your relationship will change. And then again she might not know what she really wants.
sounds like she isnt thinkin the same as u and if distance is a problem now for her what would change it? ummm maybe it she feels the same as u do. sounds like she shoots ya down when u wanna go out with her and has another relationship, not good. maybe ur striking her interest more now since u have moved up to an earlier slot instead of shopping..lol jk. sounds like if she thinks ur in a relationship she will come see u and nothing will be expected, try to tell her ur free and single and see if u still meet up together, test the waters and maybe just ask her how she feels. instead of wondering just good to know what going on and u can think more clearly and maybe feel better..emailing daily thats really good and for so long too. its only an hour away.....even worse when its several hours away...doesnt sound too much like she wants to make a go of it at that time in her life. give it a shot and see what happens but dont set urself for failure, no expectations can only make the meeting that much better.
I go crazy trying to second guess what someone is thinking. So, I am always honest in what my intentions are. Then, I try to make it as comfortable as possible for the other person to also be honest. This works in every kind of situation, and you are never left 'wondering'. Your imagination of what may or may not be happening will cripple normal thinking.





Good luck. When your heart is involved, it's always kind of scarey. But if you say something and lose her, you probably didn't have her in the first place.
At this point you could go either way....friend or lover.





Ask her to visit or you go to her. If she likes you--she would drive a million miles.
This is a complicated situation. It could be that she likes you, but is afraid to start something because of the distance situation. It could also be one of those things where it is okay for her to date someone else but not okay for you. I would be very careful. Even though you have strong feelings for this girl, you could potentially end up getting hurt very badly. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. However, it could go the opposite way. You two might get together and decide that you can get over the distance thing and make a great go of it. It all depends on how much you are willing to go through to get what you want. Are you willing to take the chance of getting hurt? Are you willing to take that chance? I wish you luck in this situation. It could be that fate is possibly keeping you guys apart knowing that there is someone else that is out there for you. Love is a tricky thing. Sometimes it is great and sometimes it is not so great. Sometimes we get hurt and sometimes we find the love of a lifetime. Good luck on your quest for the love of your life.
You sound like a decent man and I hate to see ';good guys'; treated this way. What it sounds like to me is that this woman has not made up her mind as to what she wants and she is keeping all of her options open. Unfortunately she see's you as only one of several options.





The reason she is coming to you now is that she knows that if you are dating then you are no longer one of her options. I hate to say this but what she is doing is selfish on her part.





My advise is that you see her when she comes for her ';shopping'; trip and tell her right out that you are interested in an exclusive relationship with her. If she is not ready for that then you need to move on. Don't let her keep you on the side line just in case she can't find anyone better.





She may be a wonderful person but it sounds like she is not ready for a committed relationship.
Welll I am not expert in relationships but I am a chick. And it seems like she is playing games a bit - she wants her cake and eat it too. I get the sense from what you have told us that she wants to be chased. She obviously thinks you are interesting because she is emailing you etc but if she was REALLY into you then the distance thing would not be an issue. Your story sounds very close to mine - I was the same way - this guy was into me and I didn't feel like I was being chased - it was too easy. He lived 45 mins away as well and my excuse was that he is too far ...but then he started to come and see me but when I found out that he was ';talking'; to other girls I got super jealous and I started going after him...anyways to make a long story short I wanted that rush of being chased but I wasn't 100% sure if I was as into him as he was into me....sure enough to make a long story short - we are getting married next year...


My Advice - play her game a bit - tell her that you are dating, when she calls, tell her you will call her back and then wait a day before you do...when you are in her area give her a call and see what shes up to...you will keep her on her toes but still be the nice guy...and last but not least when you just don't wanna play the games anymore (this should have been my first piece of advice) just communicate to her - Say something like ';Look I am a nice guy, I have feelings for you and I would like to see where this is going - but even nice guys have pride and if you keep this up I am not gonna be around anymore';


My fiance said those words to me and it got me listening...


Good Luck!
I guess there are a few takes on this. First take....she really likes you as a good friend but knows you like her as more which is why she always has a ';boyfriend'; or something when you want to see her. And now that she thinks you're seeing someone...she feels ';safe'; to come see her friend without fear of you wanting something more than friendship from her. Second take....she does like you, as more than just a friend and maybe she really was seeing someone at the time you suggested getting together. Maybe she had moved on because it didn't seem like you were really interested in her (when you left it up to her to call or come to you after the last time you saw her...even though she had said she'd have to come to you next). Like someone else said, maybe she wants/wanted to be chased. And now that she hears you're moving on, maybe she's afraid she'll lose you forever and wants to get together to see if there's a chance for her. Third take....you're a nice guy, a good friend, and a good candidate for a boyfriend/mate but she trusts that/thinks/knows that you'll always be there, in the wings when she wants/needs you. Like others have stated...as back-up. Good old reliable. Comfortable and safe maybe? Not necessarily ';friend zone'; but not a committed or exclusive relationship either. Now, my final take....she likes you and has all along but didn't realize in what way or how much until you mentioned seeing someone else. Maybe that's when the light went on for her like it did for you in January. I hope this take is the right one. I probably didn't help much as I'm sure you've gone through tons of possibilities in your head and were looking for an answer not more possibilities to ponder, lol. Anyway, as for the fact that she's moved up your time slot on her shopping day, it may just be strictly a convenience/timing thing. Sorry, don't mean to squash your hope there. Or, maybe she's hoping to spend the day with you and the shopping was really just an excuse to be coming into town and not making it look like she's chasing you. She may be trying to be subtle (back to that her wanting you to chase her thing). Try not to sweat it too much. Wait til she comes and see how it plays out. Hmmm...gotta remember though, you told her you were seeing someone. What you gonna do about that? You can't really come on to her and profess your feelings for her when you are supposedly seeing someone else. That won't make you look very faithful or good. Neither will telling her you lied...hmmm. I don't know. Wish I could be more help. Not 100% what she's thinking....some of her actions are inconsistent but I think there's a chance though. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you. You sound like a nice, caring man...not a pathetic mess.
Sorry to burst your bubble! Personally, I don't think she is into you. She is possessive though. She doesn't need you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
Wow ...just give her the best sex imaginable..honestly women will choose the best lover everytime..She is coming to you..she wants to have some Sex b4 the shopping ..I think anyways ...clean your apartment..run a bath if she wants..to ease her from the trip down...by her some beautiful carnations assorted...set them on the table so she sees them when she gets there..ask her if she wants to go out to eat...lay it on thick...she likes u ...good luck..Isnt falling in Love the best...have fun... :) :):)
ok,here's my advice...are either one of you willing to move closer to each other? it kinda sounds to me like she is using you as an emergency backup. i would think long and hard about getting involved with this woman.if you SERIOUSLY think she is the one,make a move to really get to know her and talk to her about your feelings for one another.good luck!
You are in the dreaded friend zone.





She is dating someone else, and unfortunately, you missed the boat...twice. She likes you, yes, but it's obviously not going to work out or it would have already.





Have lunch with her, and find someone else to love.